Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Naughty me!

Dear diary,

So as ever, I've been naughty, started this blog and not posted on it since for close to a year. In that time my diagnosis of severe depression has progressed to a diagnosis of Bipolar II, so I've been started on an extra bit of medication called Seroquel.  Now as this blog was meant to be a recording of my battle with depression as well as my creative journey, I think it important to be open and honest about medication I'm taking and any effects it may have. Partly because there will never be another way to dispel the stigma around mental illnesses without honesty and because I think it useful for those who are suffering as well to be able to find information that hasn't been placed in the flyers with the medication. For those who are here specifically for the creative content, feel free to skip this paragraph :) Since starting Seroquel it's helped my sleep, not necessarily in amount but it's changed the quality. I wake up feeling like I've rested however I've also developed night sweats and have odd dreams. Since taking it I've also found to mentally wake up I usually require coffee. When I'm awake I'm much more productive and active which I found was not the case with any of the other medication I've been on for depression (Prozac, Citalopram, Lexapro I'm definite about having been on...) except for Effexor, however I found on Effexor I had quite severe side effects including but not limited to my legs giving out under me, the constant sensation that I was going to faint, head spins if I turned or moved too quickly, and if I was even a little late taking my medication it would send me into a state of absolute exhaustion and difficulty breathing.

Since my last post, I've moved into the home that my partner and I bought with my brothers and mother back on 13th April 2013 (the reason I remember the date is because we happened to buy the house on my mother's 55th birthday). My parents have been emptying out their home in preparation to move to an apartment, so our entire house is filled to the brim with boxes of their things.

Apart from the obvious problems associated with being enclosed by boxes is that I can't get to my crafting stash stuck all the way at the back of the garage (which is to be turned into a shared work space with my mum's sewing machines and all my beading and crafting supplies). So things on the creative front have been very stifled.

My time has been very much consumed with trying to help my parents move house and creating a routine in my new home, a large part of which has centred around my mother's failing health. She was recently in the hospital in the intensive care unit for a couple of weeks due to a coma (for want of another word) caused by hepatic encephalopathy. She has woken up and is home now, but she hasn't really regained her full faculties, I'm not sure she ever will. During the time when she was in hospital and I was unsure whether she would come out of her coma, I found myself wishing that I had taken the time to learn more from her. To learn to cook Vietnamese dishes from her, to learn to sew from her and to learn more of her story. She doesn't have photos or records I could reflect on because these were taken from her the first time she was caught trying to flee Vietnam during it's civil war. Her captors took anything of value and burned everything else, including her photos and threw her in prison. It's one thing to read about history, but it brings it so much closer to home hearing someone who lived through it telling you about their experiences. I've promised myself that I will spend more quality time with her.

Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to post up pictures once I've set up the work space and hopefully started working on some projects.

Till next time...

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